I have the beginnings of a migraine, I think. I am in a sort of denial about it, as I do not want to purchase my medication; it is so fucking expensive.
We lost power last night. I was on my nightly walk the moment the power went out. It was scary, but mostly so fucking gorgeous. The trees heavy with too much snow. The ground perfectly white. And the air that reminded you of every sledding adventure you've ever had. I was a bit onto the woods path that is lit up with street lamps and they went dark. At first, I thought it was just the path and I just has bad luck with my timing, as this has happened on the path before. It reminded me of being at a kiddie baseball game at night, when they shut the lights off, as it is finally time to go home, and you stumble with your kid(s) and your stuff, hoping you do not step on another person or yourself.
But then, I noticed it was not just the path, as there was a flicker, the lights going back on and then, reluctantly they went off for good. I looked behind me, down into the street where the path spills. And it was dark there, too. I scurried home, using my ipod to light the way. waving it over my head somewhat when cars drove past, worrying they'd not see me with my black hat and black jacket. I looked like I was holding a lighter a t a cheesy, classic rock type concert. Here is what I loved the most, well, there are two things really. The way the star lit up the sky was intense in a way that is more organic than any recent experience I've had. Everything seemed so real, so natural. And then, as I approached our apt., I saw dim lights from the windows, people lighting up their rooms with tea candles and florescent flashlights. And I heard them: Mr. Z and the old man shuffling down the epic stairway in the dark looking for the lone, lost momma in the dark.
I loved last night. If I'd gone in the night, I think I wold have had a good last day. We played charades in the dark and Mr. Z and I acted out scenes from The Office. Life felt so sweet. and I felt like I loved and was beloved. I did miss my family though, mostly my dad. I think I will always miss my dad. It is something that will never go away; I do not want to let go of the hurt b/c it is all I have from him. It is something.
Here is what I was reading last night and this morning: Confessions of a Memory Eater by Pagan Kennedy. I'll maybe discuss it in depth later on, another day. It is an extremely fast read and she has created a work filled with beautiful sentences, amazing imagery via analogies and metaphor. I am impressed; however, there does seem to be something slightly amateurish about the overall work. I cannot put my finger on what it is that makes me feel this way. Again, I'll discuss the work in more detail later on. I need to shower, get my migraine meds, make a salad, and get my family off to our friends' house. The novel often refers to Thomas De Quincy's masterpiece, Confessions of an Opium Eater which I have never read, but, of course as a wannabe junky, want to.