Thursday, October 13, 2011

Blah-Ditty-Blahzer-Blah and Hole Still Rocks

I finished the stoopid western novel.  Wasta time.  Feeling kinda guily, as friend picked it out.  Ick, though.  I am now reading Green Angel by Alice Hoffman.  I have been spending hours looking at this blog:  I am completely in love.  I had forgotten about her.  I have a whisper of a preface of a migraine.  Book group later.  Here above is an from the above metioned blog image that made me almost crazy as it excited me.that doll parts part of me,  made me feel like I do when I eat vanilla, kinda stale birthday cake after awhile of eating wholesome, wannabe middle class food.  Low borw junk, girl culture, chick lit, fall days when the last glimmer of summer is gone, just like that. The above image is a Hole shrine created by Tavi.  She is the writer of the blog discussed.    It cracks me up, but mostly impresses me, that I am so fucking inspired by this precocious 13-y-o chick.

One really really big issue of mine right now is my weight.  There is no getting around the truth:  I  have kinda given up on finding a job.  My like is a dull, joyless molasses slumber punctuated only by the pink moon happy of my little guy.  I know that this semi-veggie state will not last forever, but while it is going on, my body, and its thirty some odd years of pror now gone skinny this and that is hiding from me.  My body is now chubby.  I am unfamiliar with it.  I miss looking like a teenager.  When I get nostalgic and look at the doc marten culture of decades past, my chubbiness really gets to me.  That whole: look, I am a waif, and I think Woody Allen might even think pervy stuff about me because of it is gone.  I look like a real woman now.  Fuck it all; it fucking sucks.  Looking at this kid's shrine to Hole highlights my none kid status, but it also assuages the harsh feeling of this reality...

I am desperately awaiting the third Hunger Games book.  Waiting with baited breathe.
Later, but first, my mind: "When I wake up, in my make-up...Doll Parts...I am the girl with the most cake...Some day, you will ache like I ache...I'm all I wanna be. "

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