Saturday, September 10, 2011

Return from the Ramble

From the other day...digging it outta hiding... 


I have spent countless hours thinking about my addiction, AA, Alanon, sometimes GFD Coda (yeah, I went their outta decided loneliness in my early twenties, pathetic, much?), and the like.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I think I need to fix my thinking elsewhere.  Plus, I have been spending much of my time on a blog--that used to be linked here.  I am really creeped out by its some of its members right now and one of it s moderators.  -http://stinkin-thinkin.com/.  


This blog is a place for ppl to meet up to discuss the dangers and stupidity of the 12 step ideology.  A few weeks ago I was pretty frustrated with several community members over there, one in particular.  I decided to leave the blog, but then went back in a sort of obsessive, without my own permission kind of way.  


My other irritation over at ST was this: an obviously mentally ill woman was on there trying to get some suport.  She seemed kinda borderline, nuts really.  But I could relate to being in that state.  I felt like some women over on the blog were kinda shitty about it.  And then she got kicked off the blog.  Though I love ftg I do not always agree with her and her inability to undermine the rigidity of the other moderator.

I do think spending my energy there takes up energy.  I need my energy to parent, find a teaching job, and deal with the mess that is my life.  And I want to get back to writing.  All I am doing now is commenting on blogs, FBing like a moron, and writing these stoopid stream of consciousness journal type entries.  Snoozefest.  But I do not wanna put myself down too much here.  Right now I still have to pass a teaching test.  Then I need to present my work to the dean of my college.  Fuck.  I just wanna curl up in a ball and read the books I want to read.  I am very low functioning right now.  And also, to make things super fucking stressful, my relationship is so on the rocks that i feel like I am having PTSD panic episodes all the time.  

Also, my son is now in middle school.  I have not truly melted down over this as of yet; however, I feel struck.  I feel like a deer in the headlights.  Heartbroken.  Like it is a sort of crisis.  The world is moving by, passing me by, too quickly.  I feel like everything will end soon.  I feel like if I ignore my life and do not strive for joy, I will also not feel the pain that is inevitable.  The raising is hard, but the letting go is impossible.  I feel like mothering has been the most astounding thing I will ever do.  It is why I am here.  But I also feel like it is the hardest thing.  And I feel like it is one hell of a lonely job.  Moms often compete, we same to rarely cooperate or support.  I was told by the mother of some chubby kids this week to give my son a protein shake.  As I write this, the anger is returning.  Man, who did she think she was doing this? I do not wanna get into what I said, but man, it threw me.  I know my kid is perfect; I was not worried about that.  But I was concerned  I was putting out a vibe that ppl can treat me like shit.  And this woman is so fucking ridiculously housebound in her overly controlled relationship.  She has a permanent, metaphoric, ugly as fuck diaper bag slug over her shoulder.  I would rather not talk to anyone right now, anyone that is in the tiny, boring as fuck , little town.  I hate its conservatism, its reliance on football for entertainment, and its general nit-wit-ism.  I hate the Lands End way ppl dress.  And mostly, fuckitall, And the mom community, well fuck... I am so sick of it, as this mentioned aspect of the mom community where I live seems so rampant with this diaper bag douche baggedness.  







Monday, May 23, 2011

To My Fat Aunt DB, Stop Emailing Me

 I just found this old post. As I do not believe that I have any readers, I might as well post it. Post all of it. There is so much gd crap in my head, I need to weed it out. And I need to weed it out so that finally--and yeah, I am prolly dreaming--I can create a concise short story that is poetic in its images and outstanding in its message...

So, here was the crazy rant at a poor, pathetic old woman. Yep, I suck on several levels. It is true and at least I can admit it, right? Trigger Warning: This was written in a decided rage and is graphic and just awful. You will better off not having read it.

Dear Aunt DB, stop, Violet. Ok. Ummm. Ok, I need to back up here a little.

I got screwed in terms of family. I have one amazing son, and well, this is it. I do have a crazy ex husband who is right now my boyfriend. Yep, sometimes I lump him into the mess that is my family. On other days, I include him on the shelf that contains the gem that is my son. How is this for awkward, forced writing that bores even its writer. ???? Yeah, I told you *not* to read this. My fat Aunt DB--my lard assed DB aunt, OK, no, my obese jackfuck aunt, DB fucktwat aunt keeps emailing me. She ostensibly wants to know why I am cut off from everyone in our douche of a family.

Really? She is not concerned, do not let her fool you. I am sure you may be fooled, as she is a fat, hideous unemployable former fourth grade teacher with cancer. And she has low status in our family; her own son does not want her over for Christmas, it's true. I am coming to this conclusion: I suck for being mean. And you prolly think so , too, right? Yet I continue in the same vein, as I am prolly have tourette syndrome on top of everything else, emotional tourette. But to continue about my aunt, and my mean little depiction of her, her personality, and her sad little life: she is this annoying. Her needy emails are really a pathetic attempt to connect to a human being. And I get this. I've been lonely, too. But her lack of awareness in terms of her motives grates on my very last nerve. But mostly, her attempts at connection are based--almost solely--on her desire to dig for gossip, about me. For this gossip, I know, will at least be a conversation piece at say...my grandmother's for her little pathetic winter visit. Or, maybe, at my father's house for a super, duper, toxic Thanksgiving.

Here is an example of my writing while in a rage... I wrote this in a draft I found about the db, DB Aunt...and really, I have zero idea what it says or even means:

"Violet says this, i's really so sad. Her poor boy did this. Really. They will tak about us, compare my son's fucking reading scores with my annoyingly spoiled probably mentally ill little brother. Sorry, I have better things to do. Um, like blocking your lame as fuck emails from my yahoo account."

Does this above paragraph even make sense? Not so much; however, it is a pretty good example of the way I write when I am batshit angry, more or less. This in some way refers to her going on and on about my brother's alarmingly high scores in reading. But the idea that my family would go on at such length about someone's reading scores, the scores of a third grader, is profoundly nuts, it really is.

So here was a draft of an actual email I wanted to send, but smartly thought better of at the last moment:



Dear Aunt DB (my aunt is not really named DB--or douche bag, umm),

You tell me in these emails that I must be sad to be divorced, to be on my own, to have lost my house. Here is a thought for you lardfuck ugly (and you really *are* a lardfuck): you never even owned a house, apartment dweller lowlife that you are. And, well, yeah, my ex is a big bag of douche most often, but, see, here is the thing: he loves our son. It is true. My ex has done a litany of shitty things to me. I could go on at length. But he pays for everything in addition to child support. Plus, he adores Z. Z is like the moon to this man. Your ex did not even really visit your kids, right? You lose. You, you shitty triple decker inhabiter, you with those ugly kids, your huge, hungry hippo whole derriere lameas-orlameass--fuck existence, you...

I do not like you. Leave me the fuck alone. You smell like my grandmother, too, while I am on a roll of telling you how I feel. The two of you, you smell fat, like a real live fat woman. Gross. The two of you--not weird sisters, but bland unattractive, creepyasfuck lame sisters,--have this persistent diarriah smell of a fat woman who has never seen a day of thin in her entire life. It is the smell of gluttony, of never being wanted, of never being fucked becuase you were hot or even cute. I have been fucked in this way, you, Stupid. I do not care where you've gone on vacation, you boring ugly, as your trip to Europe is less intense than the way I attracted men. Certainly, I was never a beauty, but I was damn cute. And you , again, I will tell you this, never saw this sort of life, not even for a nanosecond. You are the woman a man closes his first to put his dick into. [Note to self or to my lone reader: what does that man? I do not know. Another crazy description created in an overly, crazy irate mind, I guess.] That,the weird fist closing reference in relation to fat chick fucking, my fat loquatious aunt, that is you. Nobody, expect maybe your doctor, has ever even seen your fat lady twat. I lathe you. I have never enjoyed your company. Everyone in our shitty, narcissistic or borderline-y family hates you and finds you ridiculously odious. Please stop trying to insert your fatness into my life.

Stop fucking emailing me. Now.

Never Yours,

Violet

Thursday, April 21, 2011



Here is what I just finished reading: Her Last Death, by Susanna Sonnenberg. http://www.amazon.com/Her-Last-Death-Susanna-Sonnenberg/dp/0743291085 Loved it. I adore most writing that has a focus on a mother with NPD. Wonder why? There are a gizzillion of these memoirs out there, all dealing with mommy as a junkie, mental fuck up, alkie, and the like. There are generally not too, too many of just plain Mom was a teacher, but a shitfuck parent who did not care that my creepy father asked if I was fucking my BF in his buddy's car or was I fucking a herd of elephants? Not sure what the connection is, still, to this day. I get why people murder their parents. I do. Can I admit this? Well, I just did.


I want to be a blogger so much, I do, I do, I do. But my motivation is pretty terrible. I did not get this ridiculously low paying easy no status JOB and I have literally taken to my bed. I have been uploading too many novels onto my kindle, which is really Z's kindle, which means my ex husband slash sorta BF is paying for my reading habit.

Habit. Habits. Wanna talk about my habits? No? You make a good choice.

Here is another book that blew me away: The Secret Life of the Lonely Doll: The Search for Dare Wright. Written by Jean Nathan, fellow Lonley Doll enthusiast, the biography focusses on the author of the creepy (but breathtakingly gorgeous) and decidedly sexual picture books. The ones that feature the two vintage stuffies and the doll, Edith. The one where Edith tries to get on a real horse, that was the first book I pulled off a library shelf. It was an academic library, shared with the locals. Man, that moment triumphs over any wannabe junky moment of my life. I digress, and to get back to my point: the book is also about Dare's relationship with her mother.






Monday, February 28, 2011

Migraines

Updates on 9/23
Originally written sometimes in February 2011.


Here is an old entry from last winter.  I do have migraines.  I know this now and am paying a fucking pretty penny to purchase Treximet to deal with them.  They are hell on this earth!


Here is the entry:


I am also using this blog to chronicle the migraines. Just skip these entries, if anyone else is reading.

The last one I had was the fifth of February. I subbed on Friday and woke up on Saturday morning feeling extremely tired, so I let myself go back to sleep. When I woke up at 12 pm (yep, I know, so gd lazy!), I was an agony. My nausea was outta control, and to my utter horror,  I was outta Promathezine. The level of pain I was feeling in my head was astounding to even articulate.  There is another type of headache that is not in the migraine family.  They are called suicide headaches.  I am not having these, but I feel like the level of pain may be similar.  I understand well why suicide headaches are called suicide headaches.  Like dental pain, had pain is all encompassing and you cannot escape from it.  Suicidal ideation is normal.   I got into bed after walking around my kitchen, lost, puttering lie a wounded zombie, took advil and Sudafed. I drank ginger ale and chewed on some generic anti nauseau tablets. On Monday, I got more Promathezine. And my doctor gave me two free tablets called, Treximent.

Since this time I have felt sick a few times, but pushed through, taking one quarter of a promethazine....

I talked to a girl I went to hs with today. I have been posting my symptoms--often--on facebook.  She told me to give her a call as she has a long history with migraines.  I felt weird doing so, as we were not even that close in high school.  I did always like her though.  Not to totally digress, but she was a lot younger.  I always thought she was pretty funny.    She has had migraines her whole life. I took notes on the conversation.

One of her helpful hints, among many, was lavender, Dr. Teal's lavender bath salt in particular. She made dietary suggestions and pressure point suggestions. She discussed weather being a trigger, the barometric change. She suggested getting tested for allergies. She talked parenthetically about how our bodies change all the time, for example our taste buds change every seven years. Sugar can cause headaches, as can caffeine. But then again, caffeine can save you from intense headache pain. Aside from lavender, there are many homeopathic cures, too. All of this has to do with opening blood vessels.

For her, coke helps settle her stomach. Sometimes salt can help. She told me to eat what I craved during a migraine. She suggested massage. She also discussed wearing glasses that help with gare, yellow glasses. And also sunglasses, polaroid. She also recommended making pillows out of tube socks and rice. These can be put in the freezer and/or microwave. She discussed how sun can be a trigger and a solution. And she discussed acupuncture.

I am going to track each time I have any sort of headache or nausea. Amazed, on Stinkin Thinkin, thought I might have a mold allergy. She is not the first person to say this. Maybe mold is even a trigger?


I have totally not done this.  Sucks.  But I will say here that I just spent over 200- on more Treximent.  The barometric pressure shifted on Friday--the 23rd of September.  I  took two pills and it helped. 

Here is what my sister who is at Blank Medical School thinks. I cut and pasted much of an email convo we had. I was happy she helped. Sometimes we do not speak to each other for months (sometimes years) at a time. I do LOVE LOVE LOVE my little sister and am SO FUCKING PROUD OF HER.


(Edit:  I pretend to love my sister at times.  I pretend so I will not go outta my mind.  But this is a topic for another day.  Truth is, I cannot stand her, as I think she might be a sociopath.  These letters are latest to first in order...) 






Dear Julianne,





I hope you're living somewhere that has a person who shovels for you... If you have a sec., can you tell me what you think?

I have been subbing, so I am not in the school every day and feel like my body cannot handle the kiddie germs like it was when I was there every day. But, I am not sure about this.

It seems like I have been really, really sick maybe four or five times since xmas. Here is what happens:

I start to get a mild headache, but I have this feeling like, "It is *that* kind of headache, the bad kind." Then, pretty quickly, the headache is so intense that I almost feel like I could die. I take sudafed, advil, and drink tons of water. And this barely lifts it. The only thing I can do is shut off all of the lights and pray I fall asleep. During the headache I am pretty nauseous. I got someone to write this prescription for me: promethazine. It helps with the nausea. I have not thrown up ever since Christmas. But other times, with the same headache, I have.

People have said they think I am allergic to mold. But our house in Milton Mills was basically a mold factory and I never felt like this. It may be stress? Or, I might just be getting flu symptoms from the germ-y kids?

Do you have any ideas?

Love,

Violet



Here is her response:




Hi Violet,




This sounds like it's definitely not from the kiddie germs. It sounds exactly like a migraine (severe, sudden pain w/photophobia). A lot of different things can cause migraines--it can be related to your menstrual cycle, hypertension, depression or pain disorder, or just no reason. It could be related to mold, but probably not--that would make you get really congested and wheezy, but your headache wouldn't be as intense and sudden and sporadic as you're describing. You should go to your PCP and let him/her know that this is happening repeatedly.

If it's a migraine, the best thing you can do is take the promethazine (which is for nausea) and 1000mg of acetominophen (tylenol), which is the best thing for headaches. Opiates (morphine, codeine etc) do not work for this kind of headache, which is related to the blood vessels in your brain. BUT like opiates, you can build a tolerance to the analgesic effects of tylenol, so you should only use Tylenol for these headaches.

See if that works, but if they keep happening there are things that your doctor can do for prevention, like putting you on birth control or adding a blood pressure medication (even if your BP isn't elevated)

I hope that helps
XO
Julianne



And then I wrote back.  9/24/11


Honey,

I forgot if I wrote back. Thank you. The Doc gave me a sample of Treximent to try. I have not had one since last wekend, but am hoping if I have one again that it will work! Merci to Dr. Julianne!!! (note: all totally fake names of course!)


Love, 


Violet

Update on September 2, 2011


I do have migraines.  I would estimate that since I was writing with my sister back in February that they have gotten a bit worse.  I seem to get them around my period.  The might have to do with my relationship and stress?  Or, it could be from stress around not getting on the ball in terms of a career.   It could also be from Suutex/Suboxone or Serequel. ANd it could be linked to my weight gain, though I think I as getting these migraines predates the weight gain, for sure.  I have also noticed headaches linked to Adderal.  The Treximent / Promethezine solution is working physically, though not financially.  I have had at least two since last Jne, maybe more.  It seems like I was getting them a lot last December and January.  And I got a lot of them last summer, but not the summer we just finished. 


Sunday, February 13, 2011

Writing, In and Out of Alcoholics Anonymous--or--Out of AA and Into the Night

"...and the stars winked at her like perverts in the night."

I wrote avidly in college. My backpack and little farmhouse apartment were piled and stuffed with: personal essays, poetry, stories, and lists. I was usually awake way past midnight writing critical papers about women’s history, the idea of poetry being “the present,” American literature, and about my little 21-year-old life (most of which was lived in my mind). I was a pitiable, self-important, annoying undergraduate who fantasized that I was way more brilliant than most people. I thought I had been the second or third person to read about heteroglossia. I spoke about this to anyone who would listen, offering clumsy definition and discussion on the topic.

It is astoundingly difficult to look back at the writing I produced then. Hardly any of it still exists. All of it is embarrassingly imitative, totally stupid and obtuse, and really does not say much of anything. I was in AA back then. I was a “newbie” in a 12-step cult. A place where I was told, daily, that I had a disease that told me I did not have a disease.

The amount of work my brain did to believe these AA people so I could fit in with them eludes me. Simultaneously, my still developing brain was trying to preserve itself. I think, at least on some level, I knew the AA community was lying me to. I was: learning a new, cult-y way of thinking, thinking to preserve original thought, then thinking in a denial sort of way to cover up all of this sick, complicated thinking. Does this make sense? Could I use the word "thinking" one more time to confuse you and I both even further? Partly, this muddled description of my thinking, is my inability to articulate myself well in writing. This takes more skill and time than I have. Also, I am out of practice. I used to write, as I have mentioned, all the time. Now I just fling random responses into various blogs' comment sections, rarely rereading what I have hastily typed (w/four fingers) on my adorable mac's wireless keyboard.

Also, I still do not have a lucid handle on what this cult really did to my mind. Still. And I left AA about a year ago (I was there from ages 21-35). But the amount of work my mind was doing was in addition to actively writing. While writing, I tried with my whole heart, to come up with lyrical, original, metaphorical ways of articulating ideas. Yikes. Please note that AA tells you those original ideas, thoughts, and the like are not possible. AA tells us we are not unique, we are "bozos on the bus," and that we are, ultimately, forever un-special. This was a hardly a nurturing, supportive writing environment.

Every writer and wannabe writer faces astounding writer's block, sometimes daily. This normal obstacle, coupled with AA’s ability to make one more paralyzed than normal, is a recipe for some shitty writing. Ideas and images carved out of experience and intelligence are frozen, sometimes never to be discovered. I believe there are artful, perfectly crafted phrases and words hovering in the air, outside the doors of every AA meeting. They are beautiful red headed orphan girls smiling in spite of their horrific situations.

These captive lyrics are waiting for you if you leave AA. It is not the big bad disease of addiction that waits hiding in the parking lot, behind a sedan for you. While you spend your life at meetings, littered with mediocre minds, it is your art, your solution, and your ability to breathe the air that waits for you in the parking lot. You will discover this, and you will find that it was never really too far away. You just need to leave AA. You can come with us!

My essays and stories from this 12 fucking step epoch are littered with AA catch phrases, slogans, and are also often borderline plagiarized shares from meetings. The one aspect of my writing I remember as not totally sucky is my ability to create images. I cringe though, because even this was pretty bad. As I was on an imitative role, I read literary texts, classic literature, and American poetry voraciously when I was not actually doing assigned school work or at an AA meeting. (Or, at another lame AA party. Or on the phone for hours with a sponsor or other random AA member.) Everything I saw in literature, appeared, partially disguised, in my writing. I was a big, fat, well, tiny, little, borderline anorexic imitator.

I remember reading another AA’s poetry. She had an MFA, was a former English teacher, and was writing at home when she was not going to AA or Alanon meetings. I think she probably averaged at least fifteen meetings a week. This woman was initially an Al-anon member only, entering AA to deal with her “sleeping pill addiction.” No one had told her she was an addict of any kind. However, in AA's sister program, she heard enough to become convinced that taking sleeping pills to deal with night terrors was an issue. And this issue was that she was an alcoholic, um, as yeah, she was maybe an addict of sleeping pills. I am not sure how become dependent on sleeping pills makes you an alcoholic. But if you've ever been in AA for more than two weeks, you will get this on the same, sad level that I did, for years. Her night terrors were so excruciating that she often spent the night with Alanon or AA friends, camped on the coach. Sleeping pills helped assuage this decided hell. But, as a self proclaimed addict, alcoholic actually, and one whose survival depended on fitting in with the group, she tossed her pills, inserting the 12 step solution as the better way.

You might assume that her writing was like I described mine from this epoch. But this was not so. Her writing was lyrical, like a lullaby even. Her images were spun from a sort of magic that I will never be able to wrap my head around. She wrote a poem about a friend who had died. I wish I still had a copy. The poem, really, was this big, long list of white images. These white images were offerings for her dead friend. I clearly cannot do the poem justice. It is nearly impossible for anyone really to explain this sort of poem, as the poem, its form, images, and the like are really what propels the reader into another state. And explanation is reasonable and does the opposite.

I copied her poem. No, I did not go to Kinkos and make a photocopy. Nor did I retype this singular, white lullaby, adding my own name. I copied it in this way: I echoed her explanation of offering white things to her dead friend. I did so with very different words and images, and these were not white images, as were hers. But the germ of the poem’s intent was the same.

My poem, I cringe to tell you, was an offering of moments seen in my landscape. I also offered images of what I would give to a particular person (it's true!) who I was in love with, um, if he were in love with me, too. The images and offerings, unlike the white things, did not share a central theme. Juxtaposed, they were actually sort of ridiculous. A mustache comb and then, the very moment the a local Bridge rose to let a tall ship through.

Imagists actually believe that it is this juxtaposition, if done well, that propels the reader right into the poem allowing for the reader to participate in the same way that the writer does. This occurs when and if--and only if--this is done skillfully and artfully. UM. Here is a poem by Amy Lowell that exemplifies imagism at it best. http://www.books.google.com/books?id=IGsAAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA512&lpg=PA512&dq=amy+lowell+atlantic+monthly&hl=en#v=onepage&q=amy%20lowell%20atlantic%20monthly&f=false.com

And, I cringe deeply to tell you this: I actually read this image cluttered poem--out fucking loud--during an AA poetry reading at one of those AA apartments after a meeting... The man who I did love (or, was so fucking fucked up I was projecting my creepy Daddy need onto him) told me that there were maybe too many images in the poem. You think, Daddeo? Now, I have this as a very special AA memory as well as a writing memory. Though I cringe, I am removed enough to be somewhat OK with this.

Out of AA, and as an older adult, I have a more reasonable way of looking at myself, my life, and mostly my writing. Really, I am *not* a writer. I am a wannabe writer. I think in some ways being a wannabe, and having the ability to admit this, is almost as cool as the real deal.

Before I entered AA, I enjoyed writing without this neurosis. I remember one of my short stories was about a girl who has an incestuous relationship with her cousin, fucks him finally, and then, well, that's it. It is littered with autobiographical, creepy fantasy, my feelings about my real family, and is an embarrassingly unskilled practice in metaphor. It no longer exists.

I remember showing this incest-filled short story to my father. My father, like me, is a wannabe writer with whom I no longer speak. We have issues that span thirty-six years. This is an entry, a long one, for another time. I will say this: my father read the story, cleared out all the god damns (but Salinger's Holden says it!!!), and told me it had promise. He told me to keep writing. My writing, pre AA, though bad, very bad, is honest, there is no double talk, newspeak, nor are there images three times removed from what they really are. It is direct. And it really did have potential. I believe that this writer still exists. And I am going to find her.

I remember this one line from that silly fictional exploration, that story about incest, death, sibling rivalry, and an unavailable mother. It is this:" ...and the stars winked at her like perverts in the night." I *like* this line. I like its shy, insecure, totally skinny yet totally adorable 19-year-old writer. I remember her inability to talk with guys at parties, no matter how drunk. I vividly remember her ridiculously unsexual, but decided crush on her best friend, Anna. You could make fun of it, or me. You could tell me I am the dopiest, lamest wannabe of all times, but I think it was a tiny little gem, that line. And this girl, under those stars, she and I, we are going places together. She and are a getting up and getting out. We are out of AA into the night.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Books that Have Saved My Life

I have never had a ton of friends, other than that time in middle school when I was popular for a tiny spell. Oh, and there was that time in fourth grade when the mean girls demanded everyone vote for class president and I won. I was one of the only authentically nice kids. I get bored and lonely in my isolation at times. Sometimes I think that if I hated reading I may not be alive.

Here is another list.

1. Lullabies for Little Criminals, Heather O’Neil

This is a book about “Baby” and her junky (junkie) father, Jules. Reading this book was like reading Seventeen magazine and instead of seeing cheesy girls buying lame prom dresses, you see these smart, street girls learning how to score heroin, become prostitutes and then, transcend this bad scene and escape into an almost fairy tale ending. This book created my obsession with the idea of an alphabet book for street kids. And it gave me a literary father.

2. Flowers in the Attic, VC Andrews

This is not a joke. If it weren’t for Catherine, Christopher, and the creepy savior of a doctor who wants to “have his way” w/ Catherine while she’s still in high school, I’m not sure I would have developed a reading addiction. These books, and others of their ilk, were all I read during middle school.

2. The Color Purple, Alice Walker

This was the first book I ever read (at age seventeen) that made/helped me believe in a God of my own understanding. Later, I realized that "believing in a God of my own undrstanding" was a term created by the 12 step cult, AA. I will say now that this is the first book that truly modeled for me how one can beleive in God, but that it does not have to be the creepy Jesus type God that never appealed to me.

3. Practical Magic, Alice Hoffman

I read this while I was doped out on painkillers after having my son. I still gain great comfort from the notion of a sisterhood/coven of mothers giving babies bottles filled with Dr. Pepper.

4. Squandering the Blue, Kate Braverman

These short stories taught me that the best fiction writers are also poets. One story about a single mother struggling with alcoholism gave me these lines (about her addiction) which I have remembered for almost twenty years: “It is the blue that knows you. It knows where you live. And it is never going to forget.” Interestingly, though I still love these lines, I know now that this characer was stuck in the AA cult and did not know it, nor did the author who created her. Later, the auther described in anther book, Small Craft Warnings, the inauthenticity of people the AA.

5. The Outsiders, S.E. Hinton

“Stay gold, Ponyboy.” I think I used to say this in middle school. I should start saying it again.

6. The Catcher in the Rye, JD Salinger

I believe that this world is divided into two parts: those who have read and loved this book with their whole hearts, and then the other people. The idea of that poem-covered baseball glove still astounds me.

7. Let Evening Come, Jane Kenyon

This book made me realize that poetry is often the same thing as prayer.

8. The Beans of Egypt, Maine, Carolyn Chute

This was the first book I remembering my parents talking about in an in depth way. I snuck parts of it. Reading it later inspired a summer long research project funded by UNH on rural poverty and its depictions in literature. I heart Ruben Bean.

9. Bastard out of Carolina, Dorothy Allison

A book that helped me understand that not all mothers are willing to take a bullet for their daughter; Allison helped me out of this scary emotional isolation.

10. A Wrinkle in Time, Madeline L’Engle

This whole story—and the very notion of “tesseracting”--is astronomically cool. However, here is why I love this book: whenever I feel grouchy about having small boobs, or being kinda mousy, blah blah blah, I remember that Meg Murphy was not popular or pretty. Yet, she totally rocked and she rocked hard.

11. A-Z Picture Book, Gyo Fujikawa

There are so many alphabet books; this is the best one. And I am almost certain that this was the book that ushered me into the world of reading.

12. To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee

…Because every time I reread why it is a sin to kill a mocking bird, I still cry.

13. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Jonathan Safran Foer

I love that all Oskar wanted to do was take a sad song and make it better, even though he just did not know how.

14. The Sound and the Fury, William Faulkner

This book blew my mind. “Caddy held me…she smelled like trees.”

15. Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk

This book made me think that my freak-showish-ness was somehow cool which is always a super great feeling.

16. Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret, Judy Blume

As a young girl, I escaped from an afternoon filled with mean girls, went home, sat on my bed, and read this book cover to cover. I still feel like Margaret is my literary twin, as her birthday, like mine, is March 8th.

The Movie List, or, Nick Nolte's Bad Tooth

Here is the list of the best movies ever, or, the best movies ever made according to Violet:

1. Affliction (Nick Nolte and his bad tooth...)

2. Drugstore Cowboy (This movie is actually so uncool it is almost funny when you're not using. And remember: Don't leave a hat on the bed.)

3. The Outsiders ("Stay Gold, Pony Boy.")

4. The Breakfast Club ("What about you, Dad?!" "Fuck You...")

5. St. Elmo's Fire ("Do you believe in premarital sax?" "You break my heart, BIlly. But then again, you break everybody's heart.)

6. The Color Purple (Shug Avery pee in the lemonade. Sister!)

7. Pete's Dragon (I heart Helen Reddy. It's a Brazzle Dazzle Day.)

8. Firestarter ("I am gonna give you a five hundred dollar bill...")

9. Beaches ("That's my robe.")

10. Big Fish (The image of the mistress's house being fixed by the touch of a hand is amazingness.)

11. Tarnation ( This movie reminded me of this part of Desiderata: "With its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.")

12. The Sound of Music ("To Sing through the Night, Like a Lark Who is Learning to Pray.")

13. The Shining ("HHEEEEEEre's Johnny!")

14. Radio Days (This monet: when he realizes his father is a cab driverand says, "You?!!!")

15. The World According to Garp (The you know what in the car, so crazy, right?)