Thursday, April 21, 2011



Here is what I just finished reading: Her Last Death, by Susanna Sonnenberg. http://www.amazon.com/Her-Last-Death-Susanna-Sonnenberg/dp/0743291085 Loved it. I adore most writing that has a focus on a mother with NPD. Wonder why? There are a gizzillion of these memoirs out there, all dealing with mommy as a junkie, mental fuck up, alkie, and the like. There are generally not too, too many of just plain Mom was a teacher, but a shitfuck parent who did not care that my creepy father asked if I was fucking my BF in his buddy's car or was I fucking a herd of elephants? Not sure what the connection is, still, to this day. I get why people murder their parents. I do. Can I admit this? Well, I just did.


I want to be a blogger so much, I do, I do, I do. But my motivation is pretty terrible. I did not get this ridiculously low paying easy no status JOB and I have literally taken to my bed. I have been uploading too many novels onto my kindle, which is really Z's kindle, which means my ex husband slash sorta BF is paying for my reading habit.

Habit. Habits. Wanna talk about my habits? No? You make a good choice.

Here is another book that blew me away: The Secret Life of the Lonely Doll: The Search for Dare Wright. Written by Jean Nathan, fellow Lonley Doll enthusiast, the biography focusses on the author of the creepy (but breathtakingly gorgeous) and decidedly sexual picture books. The ones that feature the two vintage stuffies and the doll, Edith. The one where Edith tries to get on a real horse, that was the first book I pulled off a library shelf. It was an academic library, shared with the locals. Man, that moment triumphs over any wannabe junky moment of my life. I digress, and to get back to my point: the book is also about Dare's relationship with her mother.






Monday, February 28, 2011

Migraines

Updates on 9/23
Originally written sometimes in February 2011.


Here is an old entry from last winter.  I do have migraines.  I know this now and am paying a fucking pretty penny to purchase Treximet to deal with them.  They are hell on this earth!


Here is the entry:


I am also using this blog to chronicle the migraines. Just skip these entries, if anyone else is reading.

The last one I had was the fifth of February. I subbed on Friday and woke up on Saturday morning feeling extremely tired, so I let myself go back to sleep. When I woke up at 12 pm (yep, I know, so gd lazy!), I was an agony. My nausea was outta control, and to my utter horror,  I was outta Promathezine. The level of pain I was feeling in my head was astounding to even articulate.  There is another type of headache that is not in the migraine family.  They are called suicide headaches.  I am not having these, but I feel like the level of pain may be similar.  I understand well why suicide headaches are called suicide headaches.  Like dental pain, had pain is all encompassing and you cannot escape from it.  Suicidal ideation is normal.   I got into bed after walking around my kitchen, lost, puttering lie a wounded zombie, took advil and Sudafed. I drank ginger ale and chewed on some generic anti nauseau tablets. On Monday, I got more Promathezine. And my doctor gave me two free tablets called, Treximent.

Since this time I have felt sick a few times, but pushed through, taking one quarter of a promethazine....

I talked to a girl I went to hs with today. I have been posting my symptoms--often--on facebook.  She told me to give her a call as she has a long history with migraines.  I felt weird doing so, as we were not even that close in high school.  I did always like her though.  Not to totally digress, but she was a lot younger.  I always thought she was pretty funny.    She has had migraines her whole life. I took notes on the conversation.

One of her helpful hints, among many, was lavender, Dr. Teal's lavender bath salt in particular. She made dietary suggestions and pressure point suggestions. She discussed weather being a trigger, the barometric change. She suggested getting tested for allergies. She talked parenthetically about how our bodies change all the time, for example our taste buds change every seven years. Sugar can cause headaches, as can caffeine. But then again, caffeine can save you from intense headache pain. Aside from lavender, there are many homeopathic cures, too. All of this has to do with opening blood vessels.

For her, coke helps settle her stomach. Sometimes salt can help. She told me to eat what I craved during a migraine. She suggested massage. She also discussed wearing glasses that help with gare, yellow glasses. And also sunglasses, polaroid. She also recommended making pillows out of tube socks and rice. These can be put in the freezer and/or microwave. She discussed how sun can be a trigger and a solution. And she discussed acupuncture.

I am going to track each time I have any sort of headache or nausea. Amazed, on Stinkin Thinkin, thought I might have a mold allergy. She is not the first person to say this. Maybe mold is even a trigger?


I have totally not done this.  Sucks.  But I will say here that I just spent over 200- on more Treximent.  The barometric pressure shifted on Friday--the 23rd of September.  I  took two pills and it helped. 

Here is what my sister who is at Blank Medical School thinks. I cut and pasted much of an email convo we had. I was happy she helped. Sometimes we do not speak to each other for months (sometimes years) at a time. I do LOVE LOVE LOVE my little sister and am SO FUCKING PROUD OF HER.


(Edit:  I pretend to love my sister at times.  I pretend so I will not go outta my mind.  But this is a topic for another day.  Truth is, I cannot stand her, as I think she might be a sociopath.  These letters are latest to first in order...) 






Dear Julianne,





I hope you're living somewhere that has a person who shovels for you... If you have a sec., can you tell me what you think?

I have been subbing, so I am not in the school every day and feel like my body cannot handle the kiddie germs like it was when I was there every day. But, I am not sure about this.

It seems like I have been really, really sick maybe four or five times since xmas. Here is what happens:

I start to get a mild headache, but I have this feeling like, "It is *that* kind of headache, the bad kind." Then, pretty quickly, the headache is so intense that I almost feel like I could die. I take sudafed, advil, and drink tons of water. And this barely lifts it. The only thing I can do is shut off all of the lights and pray I fall asleep. During the headache I am pretty nauseous. I got someone to write this prescription for me: promethazine. It helps with the nausea. I have not thrown up ever since Christmas. But other times, with the same headache, I have.

People have said they think I am allergic to mold. But our house in Milton Mills was basically a mold factory and I never felt like this. It may be stress? Or, I might just be getting flu symptoms from the germ-y kids?

Do you have any ideas?

Love,

Violet



Here is her response:




Hi Violet,




This sounds like it's definitely not from the kiddie germs. It sounds exactly like a migraine (severe, sudden pain w/photophobia). A lot of different things can cause migraines--it can be related to your menstrual cycle, hypertension, depression or pain disorder, or just no reason. It could be related to mold, but probably not--that would make you get really congested and wheezy, but your headache wouldn't be as intense and sudden and sporadic as you're describing. You should go to your PCP and let him/her know that this is happening repeatedly.

If it's a migraine, the best thing you can do is take the promethazine (which is for nausea) and 1000mg of acetominophen (tylenol), which is the best thing for headaches. Opiates (morphine, codeine etc) do not work for this kind of headache, which is related to the blood vessels in your brain. BUT like opiates, you can build a tolerance to the analgesic effects of tylenol, so you should only use Tylenol for these headaches.

See if that works, but if they keep happening there are things that your doctor can do for prevention, like putting you on birth control or adding a blood pressure medication (even if your BP isn't elevated)

I hope that helps
XO
Julianne



And then I wrote back.  9/24/11


Honey,

I forgot if I wrote back. Thank you. The Doc gave me a sample of Treximent to try. I have not had one since last wekend, but am hoping if I have one again that it will work! Merci to Dr. Julianne!!! (note: all totally fake names of course!)


Love, 


Violet

Update on September 2, 2011


I do have migraines.  I would estimate that since I was writing with my sister back in February that they have gotten a bit worse.  I seem to get them around my period.  The might have to do with my relationship and stress?  Or, it could be from stress around not getting on the ball in terms of a career.   It could also be from Suutex/Suboxone or Serequel. ANd it could be linked to my weight gain, though I think I as getting these migraines predates the weight gain, for sure.  I have also noticed headaches linked to Adderal.  The Treximent / Promethezine solution is working physically, though not financially.  I have had at least two since last Jne, maybe more.  It seems like I was getting them a lot last December and January.  And I got a lot of them last summer, but not the summer we just finished. 


Sunday, February 13, 2011

Writing, In and Out of Alcoholics Anonymous--or--Out of AA and Into the Night

"...and the stars winked at her like perverts in the night."

I wrote avidly in college. My backpack and little farmhouse apartment were piled and stuffed with: personal essays, poetry, stories, and lists. I was usually awake way past midnight writing critical papers about women’s history, the idea of poetry being “the present,” American literature, and about my little 21-year-old life (most of which was lived in my mind). I was a pitiable, self-important, annoying undergraduate who fantasized that I was way more brilliant than most people. I thought I had been the second or third person to read about heteroglossia. I spoke about this to anyone who would listen, offering clumsy definition and discussion on the topic.

It is astoundingly difficult to look back at the writing I produced then. Hardly any of it still exists. All of it is embarrassingly imitative, totally stupid and obtuse, and really does not say much of anything. I was in AA back then. I was a “newbie” in a 12-step cult. A place where I was told, daily, that I had a disease that told me I did not have a disease.

The amount of work my brain did to believe these AA people so I could fit in with them eludes me. Simultaneously, my still developing brain was trying to preserve itself. I think, at least on some level, I knew the AA community was lying me to. I was: learning a new, cult-y way of thinking, thinking to preserve original thought, then thinking in a denial sort of way to cover up all of this sick, complicated thinking. Does this make sense? Could I use the word "thinking" one more time to confuse you and I both even further? Partly, this muddled description of my thinking, is my inability to articulate myself well in writing. This takes more skill and time than I have. Also, I am out of practice. I used to write, as I have mentioned, all the time. Now I just fling random responses into various blogs' comment sections, rarely rereading what I have hastily typed (w/four fingers) on my adorable mac's wireless keyboard.

Also, I still do not have a lucid handle on what this cult really did to my mind. Still. And I left AA about a year ago (I was there from ages 21-35). But the amount of work my mind was doing was in addition to actively writing. While writing, I tried with my whole heart, to come up with lyrical, original, metaphorical ways of articulating ideas. Yikes. Please note that AA tells you those original ideas, thoughts, and the like are not possible. AA tells us we are not unique, we are "bozos on the bus," and that we are, ultimately, forever un-special. This was a hardly a nurturing, supportive writing environment.

Every writer and wannabe writer faces astounding writer's block, sometimes daily. This normal obstacle, coupled with AA’s ability to make one more paralyzed than normal, is a recipe for some shitty writing. Ideas and images carved out of experience and intelligence are frozen, sometimes never to be discovered. I believe there are artful, perfectly crafted phrases and words hovering in the air, outside the doors of every AA meeting. They are beautiful red headed orphan girls smiling in spite of their horrific situations.

These captive lyrics are waiting for you if you leave AA. It is not the big bad disease of addiction that waits hiding in the parking lot, behind a sedan for you. While you spend your life at meetings, littered with mediocre minds, it is your art, your solution, and your ability to breathe the air that waits for you in the parking lot. You will discover this, and you will find that it was never really too far away. You just need to leave AA. You can come with us!

My essays and stories from this 12 fucking step epoch are littered with AA catch phrases, slogans, and are also often borderline plagiarized shares from meetings. The one aspect of my writing I remember as not totally sucky is my ability to create images. I cringe though, because even this was pretty bad. As I was on an imitative role, I read literary texts, classic literature, and American poetry voraciously when I was not actually doing assigned school work or at an AA meeting. (Or, at another lame AA party. Or on the phone for hours with a sponsor or other random AA member.) Everything I saw in literature, appeared, partially disguised, in my writing. I was a big, fat, well, tiny, little, borderline anorexic imitator.

I remember reading another AA’s poetry. She had an MFA, was a former English teacher, and was writing at home when she was not going to AA or Alanon meetings. I think she probably averaged at least fifteen meetings a week. This woman was initially an Al-anon member only, entering AA to deal with her “sleeping pill addiction.” No one had told her she was an addict of any kind. However, in AA's sister program, she heard enough to become convinced that taking sleeping pills to deal with night terrors was an issue. And this issue was that she was an alcoholic, um, as yeah, she was maybe an addict of sleeping pills. I am not sure how become dependent on sleeping pills makes you an alcoholic. But if you've ever been in AA for more than two weeks, you will get this on the same, sad level that I did, for years. Her night terrors were so excruciating that she often spent the night with Alanon or AA friends, camped on the coach. Sleeping pills helped assuage this decided hell. But, as a self proclaimed addict, alcoholic actually, and one whose survival depended on fitting in with the group, she tossed her pills, inserting the 12 step solution as the better way.

You might assume that her writing was like I described mine from this epoch. But this was not so. Her writing was lyrical, like a lullaby even. Her images were spun from a sort of magic that I will never be able to wrap my head around. She wrote a poem about a friend who had died. I wish I still had a copy. The poem, really, was this big, long list of white images. These white images were offerings for her dead friend. I clearly cannot do the poem justice. It is nearly impossible for anyone really to explain this sort of poem, as the poem, its form, images, and the like are really what propels the reader into another state. And explanation is reasonable and does the opposite.

I copied her poem. No, I did not go to Kinkos and make a photocopy. Nor did I retype this singular, white lullaby, adding my own name. I copied it in this way: I echoed her explanation of offering white things to her dead friend. I did so with very different words and images, and these were not white images, as were hers. But the germ of the poem’s intent was the same.

My poem, I cringe to tell you, was an offering of moments seen in my landscape. I also offered images of what I would give to a particular person (it's true!) who I was in love with, um, if he were in love with me, too. The images and offerings, unlike the white things, did not share a central theme. Juxtaposed, they were actually sort of ridiculous. A mustache comb and then, the very moment the a local Bridge rose to let a tall ship through.

Imagists actually believe that it is this juxtaposition, if done well, that propels the reader right into the poem allowing for the reader to participate in the same way that the writer does. This occurs when and if--and only if--this is done skillfully and artfully. UM. Here is a poem by Amy Lowell that exemplifies imagism at it best. http://www.books.google.com/books?id=IGsAAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA512&lpg=PA512&dq=amy+lowell+atlantic+monthly&hl=en#v=onepage&q=amy%20lowell%20atlantic%20monthly&f=false.com

And, I cringe deeply to tell you this: I actually read this image cluttered poem--out fucking loud--during an AA poetry reading at one of those AA apartments after a meeting... The man who I did love (or, was so fucking fucked up I was projecting my creepy Daddy need onto him) told me that there were maybe too many images in the poem. You think, Daddeo? Now, I have this as a very special AA memory as well as a writing memory. Though I cringe, I am removed enough to be somewhat OK with this.

Out of AA, and as an older adult, I have a more reasonable way of looking at myself, my life, and mostly my writing. Really, I am *not* a writer. I am a wannabe writer. I think in some ways being a wannabe, and having the ability to admit this, is almost as cool as the real deal.

Before I entered AA, I enjoyed writing without this neurosis. I remember one of my short stories was about a girl who has an incestuous relationship with her cousin, fucks him finally, and then, well, that's it. It is littered with autobiographical, creepy fantasy, my feelings about my real family, and is an embarrassingly unskilled practice in metaphor. It no longer exists.

I remember showing this incest-filled short story to my father. My father, like me, is a wannabe writer with whom I no longer speak. We have issues that span thirty-six years. This is an entry, a long one, for another time. I will say this: my father read the story, cleared out all the god damns (but Salinger's Holden says it!!!), and told me it had promise. He told me to keep writing. My writing, pre AA, though bad, very bad, is honest, there is no double talk, newspeak, nor are there images three times removed from what they really are. It is direct. And it really did have potential. I believe that this writer still exists. And I am going to find her.

I remember this one line from that silly fictional exploration, that story about incest, death, sibling rivalry, and an unavailable mother. It is this:" ...and the stars winked at her like perverts in the night." I *like* this line. I like its shy, insecure, totally skinny yet totally adorable 19-year-old writer. I remember her inability to talk with guys at parties, no matter how drunk. I vividly remember her ridiculously unsexual, but decided crush on her best friend, Anna. You could make fun of it, or me. You could tell me I am the dopiest, lamest wannabe of all times, but I think it was a tiny little gem, that line. And this girl, under those stars, she and I, we are going places together. She and are a getting up and getting out. We are out of AA into the night.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Books that Have Saved My Life

I have never had a ton of friends, other than that time in middle school when I was popular for a tiny spell. Oh, and there was that time in fourth grade when the mean girls demanded everyone vote for class president and I won. I was one of the only authentically nice kids. I get bored and lonely in my isolation at times. Sometimes I think that if I hated reading I may not be alive.

Here is another list.

1. Lullabies for Little Criminals, Heather O’Neil

This is a book about “Baby” and her junky (junkie) father, Jules. Reading this book was like reading Seventeen magazine and instead of seeing cheesy girls buying lame prom dresses, you see these smart, street girls learning how to score heroin, become prostitutes and then, transcend this bad scene and escape into an almost fairy tale ending. This book created my obsession with the idea of an alphabet book for street kids. And it gave me a literary father.

2. Flowers in the Attic, VC Andrews

This is not a joke. If it weren’t for Catherine, Christopher, and the creepy savior of a doctor who wants to “have his way” w/ Catherine while she’s still in high school, I’m not sure I would have developed a reading addiction. These books, and others of their ilk, were all I read during middle school.

2. The Color Purple, Alice Walker

This was the first book I ever read (at age seventeen) that made/helped me believe in a God of my own understanding. Later, I realized that "believing in a God of my own undrstanding" was a term created by the 12 step cult, AA. I will say now that this is the first book that truly modeled for me how one can beleive in God, but that it does not have to be the creepy Jesus type God that never appealed to me.

3. Practical Magic, Alice Hoffman

I read this while I was doped out on painkillers after having my son. I still gain great comfort from the notion of a sisterhood/coven of mothers giving babies bottles filled with Dr. Pepper.

4. Squandering the Blue, Kate Braverman

These short stories taught me that the best fiction writers are also poets. One story about a single mother struggling with alcoholism gave me these lines (about her addiction) which I have remembered for almost twenty years: “It is the blue that knows you. It knows where you live. And it is never going to forget.” Interestingly, though I still love these lines, I know now that this characer was stuck in the AA cult and did not know it, nor did the author who created her. Later, the auther described in anther book, Small Craft Warnings, the inauthenticity of people the AA.

5. The Outsiders, S.E. Hinton

“Stay gold, Ponyboy.” I think I used to say this in middle school. I should start saying it again.

6. The Catcher in the Rye, JD Salinger

I believe that this world is divided into two parts: those who have read and loved this book with their whole hearts, and then the other people. The idea of that poem-covered baseball glove still astounds me.

7. Let Evening Come, Jane Kenyon

This book made me realize that poetry is often the same thing as prayer.

8. The Beans of Egypt, Maine, Carolyn Chute

This was the first book I remembering my parents talking about in an in depth way. I snuck parts of it. Reading it later inspired a summer long research project funded by UNH on rural poverty and its depictions in literature. I heart Ruben Bean.

9. Bastard out of Carolina, Dorothy Allison

A book that helped me understand that not all mothers are willing to take a bullet for their daughter; Allison helped me out of this scary emotional isolation.

10. A Wrinkle in Time, Madeline L’Engle

This whole story—and the very notion of “tesseracting”--is astronomically cool. However, here is why I love this book: whenever I feel grouchy about having small boobs, or being kinda mousy, blah blah blah, I remember that Meg Murphy was not popular or pretty. Yet, she totally rocked and she rocked hard.

11. A-Z Picture Book, Gyo Fujikawa

There are so many alphabet books; this is the best one. And I am almost certain that this was the book that ushered me into the world of reading.

12. To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee

…Because every time I reread why it is a sin to kill a mocking bird, I still cry.

13. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Jonathan Safran Foer

I love that all Oskar wanted to do was take a sad song and make it better, even though he just did not know how.

14. The Sound and the Fury, William Faulkner

This book blew my mind. “Caddy held me…she smelled like trees.”

15. Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk

This book made me think that my freak-showish-ness was somehow cool which is always a super great feeling.

16. Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret, Judy Blume

As a young girl, I escaped from an afternoon filled with mean girls, went home, sat on my bed, and read this book cover to cover. I still feel like Margaret is my literary twin, as her birthday, like mine, is March 8th.

The Movie List, or, Nick Nolte's Bad Tooth

Here is the list of the best movies ever, or, the best movies ever made according to Violet:

1. Affliction (Nick Nolte and his bad tooth...)

2. Drugstore Cowboy (This movie is actually so uncool it is almost funny when you're not using. And remember: Don't leave a hat on the bed.)

3. The Outsiders ("Stay Gold, Pony Boy.")

4. The Breakfast Club ("What about you, Dad?!" "Fuck You...")

5. St. Elmo's Fire ("Do you believe in premarital sax?" "You break my heart, BIlly. But then again, you break everybody's heart.)

6. The Color Purple (Shug Avery pee in the lemonade. Sister!)

7. Pete's Dragon (I heart Helen Reddy. It's a Brazzle Dazzle Day.)

8. Firestarter ("I am gonna give you a five hundred dollar bill...")

9. Beaches ("That's my robe.")

10. Big Fish (The image of the mistress's house being fixed by the touch of a hand is amazingness.)

11. Tarnation ( This movie reminded me of this part of Desiderata: "With its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.")

12. The Sound of Music ("To Sing through the Night, Like a Lark Who is Learning to Pray.")

13. The Shining ("HHEEEEEEre's Johnny!")

14. Radio Days (This monet: when he realizes his father is a cab driverand says, "You?!!!")

15. The World According to Garp (The you know what in the car, so crazy, right?)

She Thinks She's the Passionate One

Some people know that I am in a relationship/friends with benefits/ best friend situation with my son’s father, my ex husband. The Baby Daddy Mommy Drama here in rural New Hampshire is never dull. I am rarely lonely these days. However, this was certainly not always the case. When I lived with my son in a farmhouse with friends (another story, another day), some days were pretty horrific. Loneliness seemed insurmountable at times back then. This loneliness propelled me into the mostly sad, but sometimes-hopeful world of Internet dating.

Here was my story back then:

“She Thinks She’s the Passionate One”

She has known people who could speak, at length, to their horrific encounters while using this site. Other friends swear by it, saying, straight-faced, “How else would you meet somebody?” She knows people who have met their current, live-in significant or spouse on this site. She thinks online dating success is a combination of: luck, attitude, timing, social skills, looks, chemistry, and how badly one wants to “find somebody.”

Within the “Profile” there is “The Dating Headline” which for her is: “She thinks she’s the passionate one…” This is not an indicator that she is indeed the passionate one, but is actually an illustration of her immature taste in music. The girl is a hardcore Beastie Boys fan because, really, she has the mentality of an eleven-year-old boy. This, right here, could be why she is on an Internet dating site in the first place. Other women, she considers of a more mature, sophisticated ilk, might meet men at a ballet, opera, or at Whole Foods.

Then, there is the body of her “Profile.” Some of the site’s members write a mere sentence or two. More often, members write several paragraphs. Often, the writing is overly general. “I love to watch movies,” some people will write. Well, who doesn’t? She has met only one person in her thirty-five years of life who truly does not enjoy watching movies. This is her housemate who has adult ADHD, and claims, “There is no way I could sit for that long in one chair in one room.” Another thing she reads is, “I like dining out, but it is nice to stay in and get a pizza.” Huh. Interesting. So, this means the writer is human and that he can drive a car and/or knows how to dial and speak into a telephone. She guesses it could also mean that, thankfully, one does not have aggravated agoraphobia because at least sometimes this writer does not want to stay at home.

The girl’s profile is unlike these aforementioned profiles. It is not general. In fact, it seems overly specific, too long, and is honestly a bit rude. However, in real life, the girl tends to be slightly high maintenance, verbose, and like many girls in their thirties, a bit bitchy. Thus, the profile is a true depiction. However, she admits, reluctantly, some of the bitchiness could be a wall to protect her from this sad fact: it is hard to find love.

Recently, she added a “PS” to her profile, noting what is entirely unacceptable. She has encountered some of her very own horror stories due to dating through this site. However, she does remain positive, hopeful, and in good humor. At times, she considers adding a parenthetic (“also looking for a friend with benefits—if you’re hot”) note to the profile, but this is just a fleeting consideration. And really, it is just a joke.

The profile:

I believe whole-heartedly and entirely in the pleasures of reading. I am able to stay awake and half sane while I go to school, work, string together some sort of social life, and have adventures with my ten-year-old boy.

I am in love with: my dirty finger nailed son, anything library related; butterflies; the unexpected when it is a treat and sometimes when it is not; storms of all kinds; everything in the forest; taking pictures; walking forever and all day long; figuring out who I am; understanding what God is--for me; the culture of addiction in nonfiction and fiction; the notion of nostalgia; and sometimes crocheting.

Favorite Things: MUSIC: "Avenging Annie"--the Andy Pratt version--is actually my theme song. Also: MGMT, Hellen Reddy (no joke), The Beastie Boys, Ani DiFranco, Aerosmith, Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, Michelle Shocked, P.J. Harvey, Shawn Colvin, and the Edgar Broughton Band.

TELEVISION: Lost, The Office, Welcome Back Kotter (I am still attracted to Gabe, really),Six Feet Under, Big Love, Seinfeld, and Curb Your Enthusiasm.

MOVIES: Big Fish, The Sound of Music, The Color Purple, Drugstore Cowboy, Jesus Son, Requiem for a Dream, Almost Famous, Annie Hall, Radio Days, Thirteen, Mean Girls, and Me, You and Everyone We Know.

BOOKS/AUTHORS: Lullabies for Little Criminals, Heather O'Neill; Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Jonathan Safron Foer; The Beans of Egypt, Maine, Chute; In Case We're Separated, Alice Mattison; The Book Borrower, Alice Mattison; Squandering the Blue, Kate Braverman; The Outsiders, S.E. Hinton; Anything by: Lorrie Moore, Mary Gaitskill, Amy Hempel, Annie Proulx, JD Salinger, and Alice Hoffman.

About moi: I am living my life without losing faith, killing someone, injuring myself, shooting my mouth off at the wrong time, robbing a pharmacy, running away with a bearded criminal, or staying in bed with the covers drawn tightly around me...So far, so good.

I have a BA in Honors English from years ago. Now I am in a Post Bac program to get a dual certification in Special and Elementary Education. I work as a Special Education Assistant and love it on most days. In my former life, I was a Librarian. Though I loved this, it made reading less interesting for me, which was heartbreaking.

On good day, it feels a bit like I am a favorite character in a most beloved novel of all times. And I would love to meet somebody who could be this particular protagonist's “man.” He would need to keep up. He would have good goals and if not a great education, then a deep respect for education. I would describe myself as "almost pretty," but hopefully this man character will be deluded into thinking I am of super model quality. And mostly, he will be a person who finally feels like home.

P.S. Be well, do good work, but do not keep in touch if you: watch Fox News in a serious way; mention ex girl friends who look like lingerie models on a date (am I supposed to be impressed?); have large snots in your mustache upon meeting somebody for the first time; mention your daughter's rack; have an obsession with an ex that is so intense your voice gets cracked up upon mentioning her existence (therapy, not match.com, just a thought); joblessness/unemployment; asking, "are you a friend of Bill W.?"; you broke up with your significant like, last week, holy yikes!; and finally, have an inability to understand that if I have ignored eight of your consecutive emails, then chances are, I am not interested...

The girl truly understands that she has high standards, is overly discerning, and also notes she lives in a rough area of the state to meet single men who are even remotely educated (“Educated, no. Stupid, yep. And when I say stupid, I mean stupid fresh” –The Beastie Boys), under sixty, and have teeth. She also understands that it is not her writing, rewriting, and then rewriting yet again--obsessively to avoid her American Nation in Education homework--that will eventually beckon Mr. Right into her life. But she has not figured out yet what this could be. Until this time, “she’s walking high and mighty like she’s number one because she thinks she’s the passionate one.”

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Optimistic Voices

"Hold onto your breath/ hold onto your heart/ hold onto your hope./March up to the gate and bid it open." -The Wizard of Oz, Optimistic Voices

Teaching is exhausting. Often, I forget the reason I am there, thinking, in that moment, my ultimate concern is only to stay awake.

The truth is: I hated school. Well, I mostly hate school. I did like college. And then there was the amazing alternative boarding school that I went to instead of a foster homw. The foster home was my suggestion to my parent. That is another story for another day. College, and alt. school aside, I loathed the idiodic, competitive public school I went to in the douchey college town where I had the decided misfortune of growing up. I worry that I have made a grave mistake in choosing the career of teaching. But then I think again.

I am a pessimist by nature. I am often annoyed by the stupidity of many optimists. I hated the stupid pseudo optimism of AA, the dbag organization I was trapped in for years. I am an embracer of cycnicism and skepticism nd feel thay are importnat for human survival and for our ability to know ourselves.

I wonder if the truth, no matter how shitty it seems, can actually all be a form of optimism. The truth, and the pusuit of this truth, assumes something that a glossy simonizing of reality never can. I think the truth assumes that will be OK no matter what, that we are strong and have power. Looking for the truth demonstrates that we have courage to deal with anything.

I love kids. I love to read. I am a wannabe writer who is cool enough to admit it. For me, literature is prayer. The connections I can make: text to self, text to text, and then text to the world is a way of being alive, living the truth, that was never possible when I was living in addiction. Or, when I was living in a cult existence that was life in AA. I do not fit into the public school groove. I hate controlling these amazingly brilliant, funny, wonderous kids. In this festering irritation, I need to note there is something more important than the problem. The most important truth is this: I love the kids. I love their a-ha moments. I love their connections even more than I love my own.

I love, most particulalry, kids who struggle. I love working with students who face learning challenges and/or disabilities. I have faced many people in and out of the educational system who have little tolerance and who lack even mild empathy for these students. I LOATHE these ignorant pieces of shit. Their stupidity is what makes this world the dark place it is. Really, darkness at least has some romance to it, right? So, these people make the world dull. These people are robbers or both the dark, jagged edges and the brilliant, sparkling possibilities of what these kids are now and what they can be in the future.

Here is a writing I found when I was living with two *stoopids* who believed smugly that special education is WASTE OF MONEY. I almost killed them, really. This sort of ideology makes me feel crazy, like it makes me want to throw a brick at your head type crazy.

It is important for me to remian optimistic when dealing with people of this ilk. Not stupid optimistic, where the truth remains lost. But brave optimistic. The sort of optimistic badass mindset where you throw out the gratitude list which was pushed out for your illiterate AA sponsor, and then you get the FUCK outta the roomz. I found these awesome words by Jack Pearpont and love them. These words, and others like them, are my optimistic voices:

Exclusion:
"We are not all equal in capacity or value.
It is not feasible to give equal opportunity.
We must choose and thus train an elite who will take care of the rest.
They will benefit through the trickle-down theory.
Inclusion is the opposite and works from opposite assumptions:
We are unique in value; however, each has unique capacity."
Inclusion which reads to me like an astounding poem:
"All people can learn.
All people have contributions to make.
We have a responsibility and an opportunity to give every person the chance to make a contribution.
The criterion for inclusion is breathing, not IQ, income, colour, race, sex or language.
It's too expensive.
They can't learn.
They don't know what's best for them.
(Megan is saying FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCK YOU oh so loudly)
It can't be done.
As a critic of exclusion, I say:
It's too expensive.
But they can learn.
They - people - know a tremendous amount if asked.
It can be done.”